“Crawl inside this body. Find me where I am most ruined, and love me there.” (Rune Lazuli).
These words have hauntingly beautiful honesty to them. Almost an obsession with what real love is.
“I Still Choose You Everyday”
This is what love truly is; looking at someone and seeing all of them, flaws and perfections, and loving them where and when they need it the most.
Marriage is choosing to love someone ever day. Even after those ruined parts become all that you can see! It is a choice made to love them, in spite of the crushing weight of the responsibility of their heart and your happiness. It is a constant fight but it is worth it in the end.
We have identified Five Battle Plans to make the fight easier.
Battle Plan One: “Be There”
In this busy life it is so easy to check out and just go through the motions. Make a conscious decision to be present in the moment. Put away your phone and listen intently to what your partner has to say about their day, sit down and have dinner at the table together. No television, no phones.
Even in marriage we sometimes hide our struggles for our loved ones. By spending these “normal” moments with your partner you will be able to check in on your partner. You will discover sides of your partner you never knew or forgot about. Without the distractions of work, kids and technology you will find your way back to the people who fell in love.
Battle Plan Two: “Don’t Hold Anything Back”
Because we believe that a marriage without arguments is a happy marriage, we bite our tongues and hold back hurt feelings and broken hearts. This leads to an unhealthy build-up of negative thoughts and words. This results in small arguments becoming massive fights.
Purge these negativities by writing your partner a letter. Don’t hold anything back. Or fight, yell and cry it out. Tell your partner exactly what you are feeling and give them time to respond with what is going on in their heart.
Most couples feel that their marriage truly ended when the fighting stopped. When they both gave up and stopped caring. A good fight once in a while shows that passion is still alive in your marriage.
Battle Plan Three: “Simple Acts of Kindness”
Happiness is found is simple pleasures. Appreciate each other, say “thank you” and “I love you” and show your partner how much they mean to you with simple acts of kindness. Say these things and do these things as frequently and as spontaneously as possible.
Acknowledging the sacrifices your partner makes or the small tasks they do every day makes your partner feel heard. It shows your gratefulness. This is especially important for couples who have been together a long time.
Battle Plan Four: “The Break Away”
Take a break, either as a couple (just the two of you) or by yourself. No distractions, family or kids. Just you and your thoughts. If you and your partner decide to take the break together make sure it private and intimate. Spending some alone time with your partner might just help get you back to that beautiful loving happy couple.
A new “location” will give you some perspective on what you want and what you need to do to get it. Distance always breeds clarity.
Battle Plan Five: “Seek Help”
Seek “professional” help from a marriage counsellor, your faith leader or friends and family. Talking to an objective third party can lead to major breakthroughs. Someone might have gone through the same situation.
Having someone understand what you are going through helps fight the feeling of hopelessness. They might have a solution you never thought of.
No marriage is perfect. The most important part is the decision to fight and make it work. Both parties have to be in it for better or worse, until deathdo you part. Choose your partner every day and you will have a long and happy marriage.