1. If your libido is low consult your doctor to make sure it is not the effect of chronic medication you are taking. Anti-depressants, cholesterol, blood pressure medication and the contraceptive pill are some of the medications you have to be aware of.
2. If you are anxious or depressed or very stressed your libido will be down so you need to deal with these issues.
3. If sex is painful you will not be in the mood! Consult a sexologist to deal with the problem of sexual pain. There are many causes of sexual pain and it CAN be resolved.
4. Deal with your stress effectively; start doing Yoga, deep breathing and exercise.
5. Have your hormone levels checked out. Especially your testosterone levels. If Testosterone is low it does not only negatively affect your sex drive but also your health in general.
6. Get rid of inhibitions and reclaim your sexual power. Consult a sexologist to assist you with this if you feel stuck.
7. Focus on the journey and not the destination. Focus on sensuality and a full body experience. Take your time. Take turns to give and to receive.
8. It takes a woman approximately 20 minutes of stimulation to reach orgasm and only 20% of women can reach orgasm through penetration alone. Find ways to stimulate the clitoris while making love.
9. Think of ways to creatively initiate sex that you will feel comfortable with.
10. Experiment with new positions and sexual aids whether the strawberries and cream in your fridge, silk scarves or a new generation vibrator. Always use a good, new generation water soluble lubricant.
11. Fantasise: It is so important to help you focus on what is happening in your body and to focus on erotic pictures. Otherwise you may find your thoughts wondering of to the 10 things you still need to do before tomorrow.